43 Year Old Bipolar Disabled Man Seeks Grant Money For Debt Relief
by M. Andre
(Toronto, Ontario, Canada)
I am a black male from the Caribbean. I was 14 years old when I immigrated to Canada. I am now 43 years of age.
For over 8 years, I lived in a common-law relationship, which produced 2 sons. We separated in 2005.
After many years of not being able to hold a job, keep a healthy and intimate relationship, maintain friendships with other people, going in and out of jail for petty things and living on the streets of Toronto, it dawned on me that my life was far from normal.
With reservations, I agreed to be assessed on the advice of my family doctor. In 1994 I was diagnosed with bipolar effective disorder at the Clarke Institute of Psychiatry in Toronto. From this point of time, my new journey begins.
Realizing my new reality with bipolar, it only made sense why I was not able to live a normal life. I was placed on Lithium Carbonate 300mg, 1 pill 3 times daily.
After approximately 18 months I began to notice a change in my attitude towards life. I became interested in going back to school and I did. I went back and received my O.S.S.D, and a college diploma in the Social Worker Program.
Unfortunately, not doing my due-diligence first, it never dawned on me that my criminal past would have prevented me from getting a job with any levels of the government.
Not giving up, I did land a job with one of the largest and most successful communications company in Canada where I worked for almost 16 years until recently.
I accepted a sales position and learned very quickly that being in a state of mania does wonders for my sales numbers. I very quickly became a top seller within the organization.
Unfortunately, being in a state of mania I could not save and would spend wildly My relationships would fail within weeks. I would snap at everyone and would be irritable at everything.
I had an unusually high sex drive and would be sexually reckless and irresponsible. I would drive recklessly and without regards for anyone else on the road. I would not sleep more than 2 hours each night.
The interesting thing about all these symptoms is that it felt great and I loved it. I did not see this as a problem. I felt everyone around me was the problem.
I began to self-medicate. I would only take 1 pill every few days until I started to feel really low and depressed to a point where I did not want to leave my room or even to go to work.
I even begin to entertain suicidal ideation and started to hallucinate. I hated this feeling and that's when it dawned on me, "It was déjà vu all over again!"
I kept myself in a state of mania for over 8 years, and within that time, I was suspended 6 times, until I was fired in 2011.
I was terminated for a gross disregard for the company polices and my verbal abuse towards fellow colleagues. I would fail to show up for work, and not call in advance, as per the policy.
I'm now getting a small welfare check, while my long term C.P.P Disability is being reviewed. I am back on my medications, and trying to get my sleep back to normalcy.
I have rejoined my church where I find some comfort, and I have been praying a lot. Life for me is once again a huge struggle, considering I still have children to support each month.
At present I'm also experiencing severe anxiety and this makes it that more difficult to leave my home. I experience hallucinations (audio and visual) and my doctors have suggested that I in-patient myself, and I have.
I have allowed my bills to explode out of control and I have financial obligations to my children.
I am seeking a grant so I may be able to keep up my financial obligations. Such a grant, no matter how small, would be of significant help to me.
I thank you so much in advance for your consideration.