43 Year Old Single Bipolar Veteran Seeks Housing And Self Help Grant
(Sacramento, CA, USA)
With my Mother before she passed
I am a 43-year-old single female veteran. I served my country for 6 years before my first breakdown.
It took 5 more years of being completely manic before I crashed again and was finally diagnosed as being bipolar, PTSD and DID when I was 31 years old.
I had several breakdowns and finally got to the point where I could no longer hold a job and in 2003 went on permanent disability.
When I was discharged from the service I had my first major breakdown but since I was on terminal leave I was put into a naval psych ward as a civilian and was not told anything except that I was depressed.
I was very manic for the next six years going to school full-time and working full-time until I finally crashed hard again but this time much worse.
Then in '99 I was finally diagnosed as being bipolar, PTSD and DID. I have been in and out of psych wards every since they diagnosed me.
I have a very scary feeling because of my illness and behavior when I was younger.
I really have no family to support me. I do have relationships but they ultimately end because my illness becomes too much for anyone to handle. Even me.
There have been many times I have had to stay with friends and even strangers because I had nowhere else to go.
I kept on trying to work and then in 2002 my mother passed away and this put me in a very dark place.
I was working at a cancer center at the time and she had terminal colon cancer.
I took a leave of absence to take care of her and ultimately watch her die. This put me in the darkest place I had ever been.
I was so sick that the doctors even gave me ECT because they had no answers. That was the worse thing that ever happened to me because that treatment took so much from me.
I no longer have short-term memory and most of my childhood memories are gone. But I still do remember the horrors and abuse.
I have been on every cocktail of medications and when we do find something thing that works it is usually not for very long.
My mind is the thing I treasure most and now I have gotten to a place when it hurts so much every day that I cannot function as I used to.
It has even gotten to the point where I can no longer hold a job and I am on permanent disability.
I don't even feel like I am a functioning person in society.
I don't get very much for SSI and I have to stretch my pennies as far as I can very month.
I have had to rent rooms over and over again because I cannot afford to live on my own.
I have medical benefits from the VA but have to pay co-payments for visits and medication.
I also have to change medications often and that makes for even more co-pays.
I can no longer hold a job. I get SSI. I try to work part-time when I can but my swings are so rapid that it gets really hard to hold a job.
I try to do odd jobs for friends just so I can get by.
I am looking for grants I might qualify for so I can get some decent housing and be able to hire some help to help me get by when I can't take care of myself which happens a few times a year.
Click here to post comments
Return to US California.