Bipolar 30 Year Old Man With Graves Seeks Grant Money For Necessities
by Timothy W. Stephens
(Riverside, CA, USA)
My name is Timothy Willis Stephens. I am a 30-year-old man with bipolar 1 depression and PTSD as well as Graves' disease (hyperthyroidism). I am looking for grant money for the necessities of life.
I am currently on disability and am unable to work due to the way the three interact with each other.
I was first diagnosed with PTSD at the age of 15. The first time I remember having a bipolar episode was when I was 8 years old.
My PTSD is due to continual abuse by my stepdad for over 7 years as well as sexual abuse earlier on when I was 6.
The interaction of the three is complex. When my thyroid is overactive I get a manic episode. Then afterward I am left with an emotional depressive state that causes flashbacks and nightmares. These in turn cause me to be further depressed and suicidal.
Then I become numb both emotionally and physically and I tend to hurt myself just to feel something.
My thyroid gland isn't the only thing that starts this cycle. Even the most minute stress at the wrong moment can send me into a flashback or even a daydream so vivid its like I am experiencing the past again.
This goes for certain smells, emotions, situations, experiences, and sounds as well. I am rarely emotionally stable enough to interact properly with the public. I greatly fear the public in general and rarely leave my residence.
I thank my higher power that I have been taught the tools to keep me from causing myself harm and that none of my suicide attempts were fatal.
I logically know that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem, but emotionally and spiritually I am still broken.
I am currently attending therapy and have a psychiatrist who prescribes me medicine but this is just a Band-Aid over the real problems I face.
I just want to live a normal life, in a generally stable mood. The meds help a little and I have some hope for therapy.
In school, I was a test master. I knew the answers, but I didn't do any homework. I was always rebelling and fighting at school.
When I was thirteen, I was shipped off to my aunt's home where I suddenly became nobody's problem child, shipped from uncle to aunt always being "not their problem."
In junior high, I was a ghost until the bullies singled me out as an easy target. I guess about this time the fight was out of me because I just let them beat me up.
My stepdad divorced my mom when I was 15, so I moved back with my mom.
Now for high school, this is where I found my first escape in alcohol. I self-medicated until I was 22.
Then I stopped and started burning myself. This was my first self-mutilation in an attempt to feel something.
At the age of 24 I lost everything. The drinking was making my mood swings worse. That's when my world came crashing in on me.
I became homeless living at the park, going insane due to no meds. I couldn't even self-medicate with alcohol.
I finally moved back in with my mom. Without alcohol I began to have violent mood swings finally ending in a fight with my two sisters.
One of them damaged my thyroid gland setting in motion the genetic condition known as Graves' disease.
I went to jail for this and now have a misdemeanor domestic charge. When released I was homeless again where I wandered to Orange County and found the Salvation Army. They could only help so much.
It wasn't until I became homeless in Riverside California that I found ETS, a psychology emergency room. At ETS, I was diagnosed and treated for all my conditions both physical and psychiatric.
Then at the age of 28 I was placed into a program for the homeless and psychiatrically challenged. I graduated the program at 29 and turned 30 at this group home.
The reason I am writing this is so that people can see that they are not alone in suffering and that there is help. I am a survivor; no matter how much life has thrown at me, I have overcome the obstacles and won the race, so to speak.
My new obstacle is money. As I have stated, I am on disability. This gives me $890 a month. Rent for me in this group home is $410 a month and I live with a roommate so no privacy for me.
Bills come to about $280 a month for necessities and a $65 a month phone bill this leaves me with $135 for the rest of the month for food and public transportation to and from the doctor and clothing, not counting entertainment. (I do have close friends and we do go out once a month.)
I would like to know if there is a government grant money to help cover clothing, hygiene and transportation as well as possibly some living money or something for savings.
I am also in the mind to start a business building computers for people and would like to know if there is a small business grant that would let me do this while my friends can deal with the public end of the business.