Bipolar 41 Year Old Woman Seeks Government Grant Money For New Life
(Willow Springs, Illinois, USA)
I have been on SSI/SSDI for 12 years. I thought it was such a blessing to finally have an income after living on practically nothing waiting to get it for two and a half years.
I have found that not working and living on disability has turned out to be hell. It has trapped me in a low-income lifestyle that I can't seem to escape. It is so little per month to do anything.
I feel trapped by my circumstance. I have given up on life. I have gained so much weight that it has been disabling on top of already struggling with mental health issues.
I live in a miserable house that is falling apart. Daily I endure being called names and told I am worthless by my brothers who have tormented me since I was a kid.
I have tried so many things to get out of my situation short of ending my life. I think about suicide all the time and am trying to find a painless way to just do it and get out of my life.
I just think life is too hard for me and I am not strong enough to make it better. I am 41 and burnt out. It has come to the point that everything gives me a brutal migraine. Everything aggravates me.
I now can't seem to handle people. If I have to deal with people for too long I end up with a migraine. I tried neurofeedback recently and I think it made me worse. My compulsiveness got triggered and sent me into an extreme dire situation.
I am looking for a grant to help me get housing on my own. I don't know how to get a section 8 voucher or low-income housing that is safe. I have heard a lot of horror stories of section 8 housing that is in dangerous areas and disabled people being harassed by nondisabled people that are not even supposed to live there.
So I am scared of ending up in a situation that is worse. I have gone to therapy all my life. My latest bout has been for six years straight of talk therapy. My therapist says I just have to get out of the house I live in.
I desperately want to live on my own. If I don't get help I will end up taking my life. I won't live in this for another 5 to 20 years to be old and miserable. I can't live in it anymore.
It rains in our kitchen. It is full of mold. My health keeps deteriorating. I desperately need dental work done that I can't afford. I went to a public aid dentist that screwed me up. I am so depressed after all this.
I am bipolar, extremely compulsive. I now have no friends. I never thought I would end up with no friends. My one good friend moved away and now I am all alone. I don't have family support.
The only friend I do have is a woman who has become a hermit and doesn't leave her home. She doesn't have people come over either. We talk on the phone. I feel like she just uses me as her sounding board to get out all of her frustrations.
If anyone has any ideas that can help I would really appreciate it. Thank you in advance. I am afraid to use my real name on here so I am using a fake name until I get to know someone that can help me.