Bipolar Disorder Disabled Teacher Seeks School Loan Forgiveness Help
(Forest, MS, USA)
After being diagnosed with bipolar disorder in 2001, disability was my future, or so I thought.
Another child was born into our family, as I returned to college to receive my educational degree.
My thoughts were, "If I could handle raising another child (I have three girls), and school, surely I could return to the workforce and contribute to our society."
So much happened in my first year of my teaching.
First, I was going through a divorce of an 18-year marriage.
Secondly, that first year was HORRIBLE, as my mentor teacher thought I should know everything and gave me terrible and unnecessary grief.
Thirdly, my adult child and her children returned to my home.
Finally, an ex-family member stalked and harassed me to the point of no return (yes, I am a doormat, and no the legal system did nothing).
As a result of all the stress, I attempted suicide.
I entered myself into a behavioral clinic to get my medicine straight (it already was), and returned to teaching, and was "let go" along with six other great teachers.
It absolutely devastated me, as I was/am a good teacher and I thought I could/would teach in my hometown and retire here, and continue with my education until I received my PhD.
Once again, considering disability, I was offered an entry-level position 50 miles away.
My well-meaning mother insisted I move the girls and myself, which ended in disaster.
I was receiving government assistance with food; however, it was tough paying rent, and the other necessities of life. Once again, I was fired after nine months (with no explanation).
I tried so hard to find out why. I really needed to know if my bipolar symptoms were the cause, yet in Mississippi, legally, I had no right to know (Fire at Will).
I had Congressional Representatives in my area calling the State department at which I worked.
As if this wasn't enough, I found out that I had cervical cancer, and took two weeks off to have a hysterectomy (after another procedure failed).
Some of my co-workers believe they let me go because I had to return to the hospital several times with pain (but only for an afternoon, or a day).
The end result of this last job is that once again, while devastated, I looked for jobs.
I even applied for two teaching jobs and did great giving a teaching lesson for the administration. Although they gave me great results, the position was given to someone else.
I returned to my mother's home at the age of 40, for I had to file bankruptcy, and even lost my youngest children in the process to my ex-husband, which again has been life altering.
I would love to teach again nearby, yet the administration is aware of my bipolar condition and the fact that I attempted suicide. It looks as though I will never teach again.
I even returned to a very expensive online school to get my master's during this last job and had to drop out.
Now, I owe nearly $30,000 (excluding interest) in student loans. Quite frankly, I need loan forgiveness.
On disability once again, I live with the fact that I am not contributing to society. I tried teaching (first year, under strict State testing benchmarks). I tried working for the government. Both failed.
It was never my intention to try to ask for loan forgiveness, yet I am really not able to repay these loans.
I am now paying a William Winter loan through the state of Mississippi, because they said I would be sued if I didn't.
I just do not know what I'm going to do about the others and try to live with my meager (yet much appreciated) disability check.
I have always tried to hide my mental disability. Except for two miserable times, I have always taken my medicines and paid to see my doctors.
Admitting this publicly is scary and may have not-so-positive consequences.
Many people shun the mentally disabled, yet we are very normal persons, receive varying treatment when necessary like any other illness, and can be high-functioning members of society.
This may not be the correct site for submission, yet I felt it is time to try for help; and any would be greatly appreciated.