Documented Multiple Disabilities And Seeking Government Disability Assistance
by Kevin Pfaunmiller
(York County, PA, USA)
I'm suffering with documented multiple disabilities and seeking government disability assistance. I have to deal with scoliosis with arthritic problems and anxiety complicated with paranoia, body dysmorphic disorder (BDD) and psychotic traits and tendencies.
My scoliosis limits my function capacity to two hour's a day and done, very limited. I feel my spine contorted and weak by its limits! I walk with a cane now to support my weight and medicated with Sulindac 150 mg and Motrin 800 mg for the pain and they seldom work effectively.
Please read my story with an open mind, an open heart and please find my case worthy of assistance with a grant. All is documented and confirms my mental and physical issues as they are by both the Pa. Va. out patient clinic and a private primary care physician. I'm being medicated with Thorazine and Paxil for anxiety, body dysmorphia and paranoia, etc. Paranoia is only a state of awareness, I still think!
Some of my mental issues are self-induced; others like anxiety are inherited. I'm currently on a doctor's note and not permitted to work because of my symptoms and effects of my medication. Without any medication like Thorazine and Paxil, I get isolated and withdrawn, rage and mood swings, anxiety and panic episodes. I hear sounds like whisper (or) mumbling and some echoes.
My case is pending for an appeal for social security and I've exhausted my resources down to dirt! I have an eight-year-old boy and humbling myself!!! Here is some of my story. We hope you can help! EVERYTHING IS DOCUMENTED!!!
God bless you all for a moment of your time, I've been writing and want this shared with others, none of which is intended to offend (or) insult. I've been down a crazy, colorful and confusing road involved with LSD, sex and religion, all of which confused and excited me, enthralled and partly enslaved me too!!! Exploits and proclivity aside, I was an addict, a slave captive in the mind!
I was raised in a dogmatic family and self-taught to allow my freak flag to fly! I wrote in an earlier letter that I felt like a freak, and I'm deserving and entitled to that feeling, and proud of that too! My views and opinions made me unique and different, beyond the normal.
I was created by my maker and even though he did not direct me down that path I chose, I felt like it was my right to discover and I'm not ashamed that I indulged the different senses to amaze and offend the normal. If a person does not deny an experience and learns from it (be very careful of guilt), it can make you learned and wise. If you deny all your experience and curiosity, that makes you only ignorant and not very wise, again no guilt that can't be forgiven allowed.
Along my way I was caught up in two conspiracies, four treatment centers, army (briefly), mental hospital (briefly) and a mind trip I can't escape. In the Harrisburg state hospital I remember one on such a Thorazine trip and reduced to dribbling on the floor, while staring at the ceiling, awake and yet not all there, one rotating in circles while mumbling to himself.
I remember another hitting his head on the shower wall till bleeding and the screams in the night were so surreal! Where is there salvation? Will they be held accountable for losing their minds? I remember being stuck in an elevator in a power outage with at least eight inmates of the hospital and one tried to claw his way out thru the door in the ceiling. I will never forget the smell of vomit and feces, very sickening and offensive to the senses!
Addiction is much like a mental hospital in that you're not in your right frame of mind and you don't have control of the situation. I remember the feeling of desperation and at a loss without my sanity. In addiction there is a voice and you don't have a choice but to listen because it's ever present and in your head and with out mercy! Until you listen to the second voice, which is the voice of reason, you don't have a chance.
If you want help, the solution is already inside of you. My eight-year-old boy is totally oblivious to my past and most of my story! I know my son gets some of his insight and creativity from his old man. I choose today not to use drugs, mind altering substance's, cigarettes (or) any alcohol because it's all deceitful and undermining to the senses!
This letter is directed to those individuals that are either different because of mental or physical issues. Your points of view and opinions matter to me! Do not value anyone's criticizing and ridiculing enough to allow it to hurt you! We're all different, not just our views and belief.