Header for Ability Mission

Government Grant To Help Back Problem Disabled Single Mom Acquire Home

by Joey Thoftne
(Mesa, AZ, USA)

Thank you for this opportunity of getting help finding a government disability grant or benefit.

I am a 46-year-old female and a very proud mother of a 12-year-old boy. He is my only child.

He was only three years old when his father passed away. It was a very tragic unexpected death, which my son hasn't been told ALL the details of.

My grandmother raised me for the most part, as my mother was young and not quite ready for the responsibility. My grandma raised seven kids before me, and did a good job.

My grandpa passed when I was two years old. It was also an unexpected death, which put the entire family in turmoil, and money battles.

Still today it is the root of a dysfunctional, distrusting, angry family that has affected my son and me, extremely.

My mother has not been a part of my child's upbringing, per her choice. She drinks a lot and has a lot of pity on herself. Despite many efforts to include her in my son's and my life, it was one brick wall to the next.

I remember being alone most of the time when my son was young. I referred to Dr. Spock's books often as a reference and to answer my questions. I was very overwhelmed and scared and lonely but I did the best I could, and managed to stay pretty stable.

I met a man when my son was six years old. I loved him with all my heart, and thought we would be together forever. Suddenly though he had a change of heart, and with no real reason he didn't want the commitment anymore.

I didn't think I was going to make it through that pain, but I had to stay together for my son's sake. Now we are alone once again.

Disability Issues

The same year of our separation I developed serious back pain. I was in and out of therapies, which helped for a while but it continuously got worse.

After eight months of excruciating pain and lots of pain medications that basically just made the pain somewhat bearable, I was told I need lower lumbar back surgery, which consisted of fusing three discs, held together with seven titanium screws.

I had to find someone to take care of my son, and there weren't any options other than a long-time friend who had recently moved to Oregon. I was having terrible difficulty with all I was facing but I had to make the decision.

He went to Oregon with the understanding that after my operation, and I was all better and working again, he would come back.

I went back to work for a short time until a different kind of pain arose in my lower back, resulting in me having to quit working and months later was back in the hospital having another disc fused.

At this point, I feel like it's all a bad dream. I was alone as I had been throughout the first surgery and recovery. With help from a few friends/acquaintances I made it through, but now at this point my son has to enroll another year of school in Oregon.

My family doctor requested a counselor, which I agreed to, and he has been very helpful as to mental and some emotional support. He reassured me that I was doing all the right things and time was the only thing I had to deal with before things would come together for us!

I had been away from my son for two years and it was taking a majorly unhealthy toll on me and my recovery.

I applied for Social Security Disability of any kind in December 2010. I have obtained an attorney. I have been in front of a judge and have not been compensated for anything at this point.

It has been the most frustrating, confusing, complicated issue I've ever dreamed I'd be dealing with in my entire life! I almost gave up at times. I became angry, and sad and I want my son.

I am homeless. I have no home for my son to come back to. I cannot work due to postoperative pain and improper conditions to follow my physical therapy program.

Because I have been alone, with no one to count on regularly, I had to drive to all my appointments and therapies despite my better judgment.

Doing these things irritated and stressed me, which had a negative effect on my healing. I voiced my concerns but it had to be that way.

I felt and still do feel, people don't understand what I have gone through. They don't know how my heart has ached and the tears I've shed alone, because I've never been one to complain. In fact, asking for help is a very hard thing for me to do.

I've seldom needed much but when I did, it seemed like I didn't know how to ask and or was afraid of rejection. All I want now is to have a stable home for my son and myself.

I want to feel like I'm a part of society again and raise my son as I always thought it would be. I can't explain how the pain of missing him is affecting me. I'm actually in fear the stress is going to hurt me in other ways!

I talk to my son a lot and he is aware of my situation but I can't expect him to understand it all. I feel like he thinks I'm never gonna have a home.

I know he worries and that makes me the saddest of all. We are really all the family we have. Our relatives just are not close.

I'm at the point where I have waited long enough for any compensation. It is not a factor that my surgeries have kept my son and me apart. They are still deciding if I'm actually disabled.

I would be happy with partial compensation to get on my feet and get my son home. I've been told all I can do is wait. The inability to be a mother to my son and feel secure has reached the point of emotional breakdown. I am in desperate need of some help.

Financial Hardship

My financial hardships have consisted of loss of home and most everything we had.

I have not been able to work due to back-to-back operations, leaving my spinal nerves very inflamed and requiring a few steroid injections to allow physical therapy with minimal pain.

I have been my own transportation throughout, only because I had no other choice. My vehicle is a standard transmission, which is very irritating to my back causing inflammation and pain.

I feel if I had the security of a home and my son home with me, my stress and tension would lesson considerably. As it is now, I just can't find relief in any area that will lighten my load, so to speak.

I need to feel needed and independent again.

Income Efforts

My means of survival have come from many spectrums, from friends/acquaintances to a short very unhealthy emotionally abusive relationship.

I have had some help from my dad, but he has health issues as well and not much money to spare.

I have gotten food stamps.

My son gets a $500 survivor benefit allowance, which doesn't even cover his needs anymore as he's growing older.

My social security is pending a decision from the judge. I filed in December of 2010.

I've done some small jobs here and there, which in turn usually limit my mobility the next day, requiring rest and medications.

The medication covers the pain, but real rest has been a battle. It's very hard to know what you need to do, but I have no source or sense of security to do it properly.

Specific Needs

I am seeking a disability grant or any government grant to help get a home for my son and myself.

I need peace of mind, in the areas of being a mother, and being needed. I have lost my place in life, without work and my son being away.

I have no one to confide in, and the loneliness and homelessness and feeling like an imposition where I do stay, have weakened my mind and body.

I've always considered myself an independent person with the abilities to provide. I need that confidence back and my dignity back as it has slowly been diminishing.

I'm scared and I hurt, but all I want is the stability of a home or something I can make a home. With Jesus to guide me, I can only pray things will fall into place.

I still think positively, but the reality and the length of this hardship have become overwhelming.

Click here to post comments

Return to US Arizona.