Housing And Education Grants For Single Mom Hashimotos Thyroiditis Disabled
(Atascadero, California, USA)
Here I am today
I am a 30 year old, single mother of two little girls. I have never been married, but have come close a few times.
My children's father went to jail in 2004 for domestic abuse against me. He said it was my fault. I was going to therapists to see what I was doing to make him hate me, cheat on me and hit me.
After leaving him I moved in with my parents and I became severely depressed. I became an alcoholic and blamed myself for our loveless relationship. I was contemplating suicide.
I finally decided that I couldn't take care of my children if I could not take care of myself, and up and moved to Bakersfield to live with my aunt, December of 2005.
Things were okay. I missed my girls, but I quit drinking. I had a new fiancé that I met at work. I worked as a security officer at a county hospital. I worked long hours.
I loved the job though. I mainly worked with psychiatric patients. I began going to school to become a pharmacy technician. I was doing okay as a full time employee and full time student.
Then Halloween of 2008 came. I went to visit my girls. They came to my parents with me. While in the bathroom getting ready for bed I saw my daughter's bottom. She was covered in bruises. All colors.
She said daddy hit her for not reading her book. She was five years old. I called her father and he said he spanked her with a triple folded belt to teach her a lesson.
The next morning, I took her to the Sheriff's department, where I took pictures of her bottom with their camera. The deputy was horrified. Their dad was soon arrested.
After the arrest my days filled with court and school, psychologists and victim witness protection. I had to quit my job. I was unreliable with all the time I had to go to court in both Kern and San Luis Obispo County.
Hard times ensued. Welfare, school, children, then illness, followed by hospitalization, surgery, a breakup, quitting school, a move and a new life.
I grew up with depression. Aside from "family" problems that we never talked about, I was a "cutter" and was prescribed medication, only to be told later that I was okay and did not need it.
I gained a substantial amount of weight and had seen several doctors and nutritionists who "swore" I just needed to change my diet and become more active.
They saw a 16-year-old girl who weighed almost 300 lbs and "assumed" I ate too much.
Twelve years later, in October of 2010, after several visits to the emergency rooms of two hospitals for a rash that was spreading and a sore throat, I was finally admitted for having a swollen tongue.
The CT scan showed I had a mass in my throat, along with a goiter the size of a crab apple. My "rash," I was told (never given documents to the point though), was necrotizing fasciitis or more commonly known as flesh eating bacteria.
What a day. A "final" trip to the emergency room because I can't talk or swallow, and I have a headache that I cannot get off the ground with, and find out I'm not crazy! I am sick!
I was told that I was going to die. Doctors had no clue what was causing it. So here I am, in the emergency room, "dying," and not allowed to see my daughters because anyone under 18 wasn't allowed to visit because swine flu was going around.
I eventually am told that I have strep throat, and blood poisoning from the strep that is causing my necrotizing fasciitis. My thyroid was dead. I have no immune system. I am dying.
A few days later, I was given something that I cannot recall, and was sent home. Miraculous! For days they have no idea what is making me sick, and my standing heart rate at 46 beats per minute, but now they send me home!?
I am scheduled for a thyroidectomy in November that does not happen until January of 2011. Needless to say, that "crab apple" sized goiter was now the size of a grapefruit. Luckily for me it was substernal so it did not show.
Hashimoto's Thyroiditis, they call it.
I find out later that this "illness" can cause mental disorders, weight problems, hair growth (explains my female beard I have to pluck daily and "other" non-female body hair.)
I spent years thinking there was something wrong with me. That I was not beautiful because I was fat. Because I ate too much when I ate nothing. All of it could have been fixed with a simple blood test. But no… blame the caloric intake of the "fat" girl.
Lucky me though, I have lost nearly 100 lbs since my thyroidectomy.
I was just laid off from work. The store I worked at, Southern Port Traders in Morro Bay California, closed down.
I was denied Welfare because my unemployment of $173 a week plus a measly $150 child support collection equals more than the maximum amount I can receive on Welfare. Fortunately for me though, I do get Medical to cover my Synthroid I will be on for the rest of my life.
My car needs a new harmonic balancer and is currently sitting in my parents' yard until my dad gives me permission to work on it.
He is kind of a control freak and if I want any help, it's listen to his crap or nothing.
Did I mention I live back with my parents? My best friend's mother, who I was living with decided to turn psycho on me and change for her "man."
So she made my life hell and I had to move out and here I am, living in a place where I have no say over what my children or I do and get to listen to my parents bickering all the time and endless memory of how they used to fight.
It is kind of hard not to nut up. With my constant memory loss because of my lack of a thyroid, I wish I could forget my parent's past, or even them for just a day would be nice.
So, I reapplied for school. I would love to finish, but I am looking at 10 months, being that they have added classes to the program.
Living in this house for another 10 months is surely going to lead me to a nervous breakdown. I am hoping that Cal Poly online has a better, faster and more reasonable option.
I apply for jobs all the time. I don't hear back from the companies, or I am told they are not hiring or it is as simple as being unrehirable. It is really, extremely difficult to get a job in San Luis Obispo county.
If I could find a legitimate work at home job I would jump on it faster than a cat on a mouse, but that will not happen any time soon.
Currently I am taking in my unemployment and child support.
I had gone trash digging one weekend, grabbing cans to recycle. That was cut short when I grabbed a hypodermic needle while pulling out a can. Luckily it did not puncture my skin.
I am looking for grants to help me get out of my situation. If I had the money I could get an apartment.
I have also been looking into SSDI, but am not quite sure I have the qualifications.
The last time I talked to my doctor about my depression he adjusted my medication, so I tend not to talk to anyone.
If it is just my medication what is the damn point? They just look at me like I'm crazy for thinking I am depressed.
Consoling would be nice too. I can always use a smile.