31 Year Old Bipolar Disabled Male Seeks Grant Money Peace Of Mind
by Chris Henry
(Milton, Pennsylvania, USA)
I am a single 31-year-old childless male. I have dealt with severe depression and have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder.
I have had a rough life growing up. It all started with cases of severe acne and other skin conditions, which lead to a lot of laughs and ridicule at my expense.
My skin conditions consisted of large boils on a daily basis over most of my body. They were very painful and broke open at the worst of times along with bad scarring when they would recede.
This skin problem has lead to depression and disassociating myself from public gatherings or having a social life of any kind because I was looked at as a freak that must have been sick or something was seriously wrong with me.
My dating life was very rough and still very much is because of the scars I have to live with every day of my life. The skin problems still persist now that I am in my early 30s.
The skin problems created such a problem along with the depression that it made it hard for me to keep jobs. Either the boils would be so painful or so large that I couldn't move at times.
I couldn't stand, I couldn't sit, I couldn't walk without being in pain or causing them to break open and bleed and puss.
My personal appearance now because of all the scarring still makes it more than difficult to have a personal life and to be active around others, also apparently affecting my ability to obtain any type of employment where I have to deal with customers or food or anything else.
I have been to a lot of psychologists in my life and all they could do for me was put me on anti-depressant medications and others to help with my mood swings and my emotional trauma that I have dealt with since the age of 12.
However medication alone is never going to fix the daily torture I have to live with as far as the scars and the skin conditions that still do very much exist.
I have been to a dermatologist and was told there were things they could do to help with the severe acne problems and the boils. At the same time told me they didn't know if they could heal my problems with my skin completely with just medication treatment alone.
The depression and skin conditions have made my life a complete hell. Every day is a new struggle uphill to get myself out of a slump. At the age of 18 with the stress and pressure and the everyday struggle I attempted suicide.
Of course I failed at that too or I wouldn't be writing this letter. Every day is still a struggle. I am being turned away from jobs because of my appearance, which I can do nothing about.
I have now been on the unemployment line for the last two years. I have applied for jobs that I am completely qualified for; however, I still was turned down.
With the problem of depression for so many years, my health has also gone to hell, mentally and physically, so I applied for Social Security Disability and was denied.
I have lost all hope of ever having a satisfying life or success because of my appearance and eventually I will lose my unemployment and my home.
From the age of 12, I am so tired of fighting every day of my life just to get by. I even obtained my G. E. D. which I believed would helped my success in getting a good job but it hasn't done anything but frustrate me.
The physical work I once did I can no longer do because of my health situation. I haven't been able to visit a doctor on a regular basis because welfare turned me down medically. My last job carried no insurance.
I would like to go back to school and take up another trade that isn't so physically demanding; however, I have no secure income to take the opportunity to improve my life.
I could really use a government grant or loan or something to just ease the burden as I get my health back up to par and possibly seek training in other lines of work.
With the problems of depression and stress I'm like a vehicle that's just waiting to break down and that's a lot of stress right there.
I can't complete anything without transportation and I can get no help from any local agency to help improve that situation.
I have medical bills piling up right and left because of non-payment due to no medical insurance and very tight income.
I have looked for financial help with schooling to improve my life; however, with the local program I seek there is no money available for transportation or any other costs.
I have sought out counseling again; however, I have not been contacted by the agency that was supposed to get my case but as much as I have ever been through counseling for them to sugar coat everything and get you thinking differently does me no good anyway.
The reason it does me no good is the fact these people haven't lived the life I had to endure whether I wanted to or not. These counselors can offer all the advice they want to but where I need the help there are no answers.
I've always been stressed in life if not because of one thing but another. There was and still is something constantly putting the added extra stress in my life I don't need.
Whether it's my work or my life in general, my life has always been a struggle one way or another mostly financially and I am at the breaking point.
I can't deal with any more crap, not one more day of fighting. Stress is causing me physical ailments now and migraine headaches to the point of every day I'm always in pain and feeling sick to my stomach.
I never had a break in my life nor could ever afford anything nice or even as much as a vacation, which many shrinks said I needed.
But where is the money for things like this? I surely don't have it to get away. I just need some financial help to get my life somewhat on track and relieve some stress and it would be great if I could also attend school to better my life.
But on my own, it's useless and hopeless. I can't even obtain a school loan because my credit is poor I believe.
Please if anyone is out there reading this, what I could use most is financial help to better my life, to give my life some sort of peace and reason to want to keep moving on.
Also I have read over this site. Please no offers when it comes to credit counseling because I can barely get by now. So to have to put out an extra payment right now is just going to make things tighter and worse.
There has to be something out there for me to help people like me with disabilities to help improve my life financially and before it's too late.