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44 Year Old Woman With Multiple Disabilities Seeks Tranquillity Debt Relief

by EE Miller
(Nashville, TN, USA)

I never thought I would need government assistance just for basic health care and living expenses.

I am 44, and have suffered from severe PTSD, Bipolar I, and DID since I was young. It was only after I quit medicating with alcohol 14 years ago by going to treatment, and really taking a look at myself, did my mental illness fully manifest itself.

I was treated at the largest and supposedly best hospital, Vanderbilt University, for 10 years and covered by TennCare Medicaid while trying to support myself as a private gardener and artist.

It all became too much when I was denied TennCare and had to apply for Disability, which I received. In that time, Vanderbilt had deemed me medically indigent and was going to pay for my therapy in February 2006.

This was unacceptable to my treating therapist, and subsequently I was traumatized. I became suicidal with several attempts and ended up in the hospital as though the belly of the monster did not frighten me even more.

There was negligent prescription with many benzos and I have been informed and harm done by this incident, but I do not have the comprehension, or the know-how to pursue this.

Plus, my therapist scared me and I feel she did want to harm me. I went without therapy because one therapist told me I was too serious for her to treat and everyone in Nashville is affiliated with Vanderbilt University.

It seemed I was destined to fall through society's cracks and then Disability was awarded in the fall of 2006 with little struggle.

I am sick, not un-intelligent. I have a hard time functioning in the daily world including basic needs like remembering to eat or sleep. I lose time.

I have lost 45 lbs since May 2009 due to an easement encroachment at the place I live by Nashville Metro Stormwater. Since gardening was my therapy and they destroyed my yard and did not repair their damages, I have been traumatized and depressed, somewhat despondent to life.

A hostile threatening neighbor only made things worse, but they have moved and my house is being auctioned. I take lots of medication and was recently dropped from the Medicaid Program again because I have no children, am not married, have no assets, but SSA keeps me from qualifying they say though Medicare says I am eligible.

My food stamps recently went from $200 to $30 though I have had no increase in income. I pay for a private therapist out of pocket and Medicare picks up some, but not enough.

Soon I will no longer be able to see her twice a week, or my psychiatrist because I can't work and I feel like giving up because I have no one to help me figure out how to navigate the government benefit system.

I have a college degree though it was a struggle and I was a high school dropout with an extensive abusive and neglectful childhood. I just want to feel better and have some space to not be afraid all the time like possibly some land in the country.

I want to continue my care with my trusted therapist because I need help and will die otherwise. I have no assets. I do not own my home. I have no contact with my family.

I have credit cards I paid till I could no longer and they call all the time. I just want to feel that I can afford to get to my therapy, pay for it, pay for my medications I have not been off of since 1995, and not end up on the street or dead.

I cannot handle funds well and have no checking account. My student loan of $152,000 may be discharged if I remain as I have since 2002: mentally disabled as determined by Social Security's own examiners and an extensive and consistent paper medical trails.

I don't really want to die, but when things are this hard financially and mentally, I am uncertain of what I will do. I have had bilateral carpal tunnel surgery, two knee surgeries, surgical breast biopsies, a stereotactic biopsy, a bulging disc in my neck and one in my back.

A government grant could insure proper health care, knowledge of a safe home, drugs I cannot live without, transportation, no debt over my head, all the time wondering where I'm going to get money.

I'm looking for a chance to feel like I am going to survive and not be swept under the carpet by a non-caring system that allows single white females with no children who suffer from long term mental disabilities because of past traumas to somehow not fit into the criteria of their programs.

How can this be? I must fit somewhere. I want a chance to get better, maybe live a real life.

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Jan 10, 2010
Bipolar Disorder and Other Issues
by: Anonymous

I have an adopted daughter, Caucasian, whom I knew something was very wrong with after her adoptive father and I divorced when she was 13 years old. I do know how difficult it is to slip through the cracks. Not a single psychologist ever diagnosed my daughter and prescribed therapy.

It took two overdoses and the second one at age 20 after the death of my mother mixed with alcohol, drugs for pain and she got into my Xanax. "Heart problem doctors wanted me on." I was noncompliant as I detoxed many inmates off of it. I truly did not want to get addicted to it. I did not lock it up, and she got into it, mixed it with wine and champagne, very rarely!

I truly feel so very bad for you. You said you lost your home? Is that correct? Well, as you say unless you have children you have many problems getting help.

I would like to bring your spirits up some first by telling you that you're not alone. Many actors and actresses and famous people are bipolar. My daughter literally used to write her own classical music, and what an artist she is. We are Hurricane Katrina victims as well. We lost everything in a no-flood zone and did not have flood insurance.

When my daughter wanted to come home in early 2007, not long after, we found out she was pregnant with twins. She has turned her life around. She is so compliant on her meds, an excellent mother. However I must tell you that as we waited for her disability, I had to pay out of pocket for her meds. The cost was close to $600 a month. Believe that the flowers will bloom for perhaps this is why they do. We got a boy and a girl.

My daughter and I were kind of not on good terms due to her relationship with the children's father. Many parents make the same mistakes that I did. You cannot tell your children whom to love. It alienated us, and made her sneak around an entire year or nearly a year before I found out during December post-Katrina. She would go to see him in a hotel far away from were we were. It nearly broke my heart. I was so very disappointed in her for lying to me.

If you're alienated from your family for the same problem, please print this and send it to your mom and dad. There are three things we cannot take back, the stone once it is thrown, the words once they are said and the time once it is lost. Never forget that.

Okay now lets see if we can get you some help. Get the name of the company that manufactures your medication for bipolar disorder. A lot of pharmaceutical companies will give you your medication once you prove you are indigent. Secondly, every county, in the United States has a mental illness counselor, for free and/or by your income. You have to retain an attorney and fight for your Medicaid back. Bipolar disorder never goes away. It is a lifetime disorder; however, treated with the proper meds, you can function like anyone else.

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