45 Year Old Bipolar White Male Seeks Grant Money For College And Normal Life
by Mark A. McGovern
(Fort Walton Beach, Florida, USA)
I am a 45-year-old male, married with a foster boy of 8. My wife has diabetes II. I have been working in various jobs, mostly in food services and retail.
It has been hard dealing with my mood swings, which has made it hard for people to understand me, or want to relate to me.
But I have tried to be positive and helpful and listen to others problems, and try and relate.
Having dealt with depression most of my life, I felt like no one cared. My parents died when I was a young adult and no one was there to help explain or comfort.
At the age of 21 I almost committed suicide, but a close friend stopped me.
I also have seizures, and have dealt with them most of my life. What has been hard is that people have looked at me like I am some mutant or possessed.
Because of them, there are days I hate myself. Then there were other days where I could be superman and do anything, but it was not true.
My doctors would give me medication after medication but it would help for a time and then I would be back needing help to control them.
What was hard was people saying that I was faking it, or I just want to get out of work, or whatever.
Because of my seizures I have pain in my back and in my arms and legs.
I am seeing a counselor now to try and help me figure out what could trigger my seizures, but so far nothing is helping.
I am applying for SSI. I didn't before cause I felt that I could work, then I should, until I couldn't.
For the most part I have done well in keeping jobs for a while, but after a time they let me go, because of my seizures.
Right now I am on medical leave for my job, but I am making no income and that puts a hardship on the family and me.
I am not allowed to drive so I have had friends and family help with getting me to work and any other place I needed to do. Sometimes I walk, if need be to get to where I need to go.
Medications they have put me on have sometimes made me feel ill. I would have a sour stomach or a migraine, and other times they would make me drowsy, in such a way I could not work.
I didn't want the aspect of people at work having to keep an eye on me just to make sure I was okay and not going to have a seizure, or that I was in one of my moods.
It was very hard, but I felt with their help I could do it. It just got to the point that they couldn't help me all the time, so that interfered in my work or their work.
So in time I would be let go. With all the jobs I had I could not afford insurance. That meant a big expenditure for medicines and medical bills.
Most of my efforts have been to work full-time jobs. I have looked into doing a few work at home but most cost money to start, and I am still seeking that avenue.
I am looking into SSI and SSDI.
I have had the church help out and my family has helped out greatly with their donations.
Most of my work for the church was voluntary but I did learn some skills at being a membership clerk and financial clerk.
I'm looking for benefits or grants to help with my medical bills and debt, and schooling. SSI SSDI to help with current medical expenses, as well as any and all advice.
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