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46 Year Old Navy Veteran Seeks Grant Money Help For Her Bipolar Disorder

by Elena Morales
(Debary, FL, USA)

My daughter and I

My daughter and I

My name is Elena Morales and I am 46 years old. I'm a US Navy veteran looking for help to deal with the effects of bipolar disorder.

Up until September 2011 I was strong, capable, independent, smart, helpful, cheerful, and most the of the time the one people came to for advice or assistance.

In September I started to spend every possible moment that I could sleeping. I avoided interactions with my family, friends and even my daughter.

I didn't open the mail, I didn't regularly bathe, my work skills dwindled and I got written up for missing too many days because I just couldn't get up.

I have a 15-year-old daughter who's going into 10th grade. She got her learner's permit a few weeks ago and has started driving.

She is understandably having a very difficult time with this situation and is in counseling herself.

I was in the United States Navy for 2/1/2 years until I attempted suicide, was diagnosed with chronic depression and was given an honorable medical discharge.

Since I was a child I've been depressed but it was not diagnosed until I was a teenager in the Navy.

I always noticed that my moods would go up like a roller coaster and then drop into a pit but wasn't diagnosed with bipolar disorder until this March.

I went into a horrible manic stage, took a leave of absence from work and then ended having to quit.

I didn't sleep for days despite the multitude of pills I was taken. I got angry at just about anything for no reason.

I don't know how my family was able to handle it. With more medication I fell from manic to depressed.

I feel like I am in pit inside a cage guarded by little monsters that I had caged for 16 years.

They are not happy and I don't think I'll be let out soon. I look at myself in the mirror and see the monsters, not myself.

The few times that I leave the house I dress extra nice because I am paranoid about people looking at me and being afraid of me.

The side effects of the medicines are horrible: loss of memory, slurred words, loss of words, loss of balance (I fall almost every day) loss of spatial motor skills, stomach bloating and a 32 pound weight gain.

Reading was my favorite thing to do but I can't do it now because I cannot concentrate long enough. For some reason numbers are even more difficult for me to deal with. It's like some weird dyslexia.

My mother is like my drug dealer. She hides them so that I will not be tempted to hoard them and use them to harm myself.

We both know that I would if I could get to them because not a day goes by that I don't believe exiting this world would be the best thing to do for my loved ones. She dispenses them as needed throughout the day.

She cleans my house, takes care of my pets and does my laundry. Pretty much I can't do anything without messing it up. I can't even hold on to a cup of water without spilling it so she got me a sippy cup.

My car died 3 years ago and I have not been able to purchase another one. We rely on my father to drive us around though actually I don't think he should even be driving anymore.

My daughter can drive me around now also but we have to borrow my dad's car and that usually comes with a slew of questions: where are we going, when are we coming back, why do we have to go, etc.

I understand, it's his car and he has the right to keep it to himself. I just wish we had our own car so we could be more independent and move about as we see fit.

Right now I am receiving $241 in welfare, $377 in food stamps and $166 in short term disability, though I don't know how much longer that will last.

My parents pay for my doctor appointments and medicines. I try to pay for the utilities but as an example last month's electric bill was $178.

Take that out of $407 and not much is left for the phone, the Internet, the cable TV, the cell phones or any other household items so my parents carry that burden too.

I am probably going to cancel the cable TV but the rest of the bills are necessary services so the difference will be insignificant.

I have no idea how many pills I take because like I said my mom dispenses them but it's around 12.

I was able to get Seroquel, which is very expensive, to enroll me in a program that gives it to me cost free.

However I will probably have to stop taking Depakote because the doctor has no samples and they are too expensive.

While I was in my hibernating stage and didn't open my mail, apparently my house went into foreclosure.

When I woke up and went manic I tried to negotiate with them but ended up having to get a lawyer to assist with that. My father had to pay the nearly $2,000 fee. I have no idea what's going to happen there.

I applied for disability and was called within about one week and told that I had been accepted as an assumptive case.

Then about one week later I received a letter telling me that my case had been denied. I now have a lawyer, Binder and Binder, working on an appeal.

My specific need is money to pay bills and buy medicine, a new wardrobe for my daughter as she enters 10th grade, and all the other expenses that come with having a teenager, and possibly purchase a car.

It has already been a year since I've been sick. I cannot possibly go to work at this point. I have no emotional filter, no motor skills, a horrendous rage and no balance.

In addition, I had not been to a regular doctor for many years. I finally went a few weeks ago and she found a multitude of problems: high triglycerides, high blood pressure, thyroid problem, gastroenterology issues and many more problems.

I am scheduled to see two specialists right now and don't have any idea what will come from them.

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