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47 Year Old MS Disabled Woman Seeks Housing Grant Money For Self And Mother

by Valerie
(Newark, New York, USA)

I'm a white female, born April 12, 1964, making me 47 at this time. My childhood was almost normal.

I married for the first time to a military solider. He was stationed at Fort Campbell, Kentucky.

When we met he was on leave and was in the town where I was living and working. We had a mutual friend.

We started dating and he was a real gentleman, old fashioned - opening the doors and all that.

Before he left to go to Kentucky, he asked me to come live with him and start a life together.

How could I refuse him with his gentlemanly ways? I felt like a queen.

I had given up my job and packed and sold my belongings so that I could go to be with my king. Some king he turned out to be, after about a month of being there his real personality began showing through.

He began to abuse me verbally, then when that was not enough he began to physically abuse me.

I stayed with him for several years. Thinking that I must be doing something wrong.

I could never understand why women stayed with an abusive man, till I was one of those women.

The breaking straw (so to speak) was when he held a shotgun to my head and because of his training he told me that no one would ever know.

That was the scariest time for me.

I managed to get out and tried to call for someone to come help me, to no avail. He finally agreed to let me go to a friend's place for the night, "so we can both cool down."

I returned the next day escorted by a military police officer. She came inside so that I could gather some of my belongings.

He tried to give me a hard time, but thanks to her he was stopped. After that I moved back to New York.

In November of 1987 I found out that I was pregnant. When I told my estranged husband, he told me it was not his and he wasn't going to pay for no kid.

Despite his thinking and response to me telling him, I carried full term. On June 21, 1988, I delivered a beautiful baby girl.

My estranged husband was ordered through the military to pay child support. He certainly did not like that, and so he got himself a dishonorable discharge.

He left the service and so I did not receive child support of any kind from him for several years.

One day out of the blue I received a phone call from him. He would not tell me where he was but he did warn me.

He said, "Watch your back because you never know what is going to happen, and oh yea I have a huge life insurance policy on both you and the kid!"

Words I will never forget.

I fought him in court and won sole custody of my daughter. He did not request any visitation.

One day when he had met my daughter, she asked him who he was and his reply was "just a friend of your mom's."

I filed for divorce shortly after that. Even though I had married till death do us part, I did not want to die at the hands of my husband,

I married for the second time in 2001. We had been together 12 years at that time. Like the first marriage I was in it till death do us part.

Unlike the first marriage my current husband does not abuse me. Our relationship has always been rocky.

There are things about each of us that we don't like and it has come time to move on.

But first let me tell you a little bit about me and our marriage. I want to say that I love the man that I am currently married to and will always love him.

He is the father to our son and he adopted my daughter so that we all have the same last name.

In 2005 I was diagnosed with Relapsing Remitting Multiple Sclerosis. It was not a diagnosis that I had hoped for.

I believe that this is a big part of where I am in my life.

Prior to my diagnosis, my mother became ill and moved in with my family so that she could get to the doctors and so that I could help her with her medical needs.

After testing and a couple of different doctors, she was diagnosed with Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease (COPD), and has been living with us since.

The evening of April 11, my husband informed me that he was not happy and has not been in a very long time. There was not a chance of us staying together and that we were going to separate.

Since that day I have been searching for a place for my Mother and me to live.

So far everything that I have found is not attainable under our circumstances. Both of us are totally and permanently disabled.

I have found a nice little house that could be perfect for us.

Since both of my children are grown and on their own, my son works locally and my daughter is in the air force reserves (trying to get active status) and also works in state homes.

I do not have to worry about needing room for them.

My official disability status is total permanently disabled. My diagnosis is Relapsing Remitting Multiple Sclerosis.

I am well though I do have shaking hands, I have trouble with my balance, cognitive issues, pins and needles feeling in both legs and feet, and occasionally I have what my Neurologist calls Proximal paralysis (unable to move or speak for a limited time), and no sex drive (interior numbness while having sex), also have depression (sometimes with suicidal thoughts), fatigue, mixed headaches, Type 2 diabetes, overweight, and acid reflux.

I had back surgery in February, and Inter body infusion on L5 and L4.

I have degenerative disk disease, and my neck is crumbling now also.

MS will probably not have a cure in my lifetime and so my real future is so uncertain.

My father also had MS and his was very progressive,. He died with upper respiratory problems caused by the MS.

My biggest issue is finding a place for my Mom and me to live. Due to my credit status and the fact that I have a mortgage with my husband in the house that I am currently residing in, I am unable to obtain a home loan.

My Mother has judgments in her name and so is unable to obtain a loan either.

My mother gets somewhere around $1100 a month and I receive $701 a month. So it is very hard for us to find a home. We also have 3 small dogs.

I am on several medications as is my mother. If I do not take my medications every day, I become very ill and am bed bound when that happens.

I am able to drive, though not long distances. Both Mom and I have trouble with long distance walking, her because of the breathing and me because of the pain in my lower extremities.

As of right now we only use a wheelchair if it's a long distance walk (mall, fairs, etc)

I was working a full-time job, at a school office, but when my cognitive issues made me forget a lot of things that pertained to the office work, I was taken from there to a classroom.

One to one with an eighth grade, autism spectrum student.

Things began getting harder for me, with my back giving me problems and then just the stress of the job made all my MS issues worse.

I spoke with my neurologist and he suggested that I stop work and focus on my health.

I am looking for a grant to obtain a home in the village of Red Creek, New York.

I have already looked at and thought about and found that it is just right for my mother and me.

The house is a ranch with a full basement and a shed for storing lawn care items.

There is less than an acre of land. Not too big and not too small. I am looking to obtain enough to have a steel roof placed on the house and if possible enough to fence in the yard as it does back up to a main road.

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