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51 Year Old Bipolar Disabled Mother Seeks Temporary Grant Money Assistance

by Danna
(Lindale, GA, USA)

I am a 51-year-old divorced mother with two sons. One is in college and the other one works. They of course are the love of my life.

My father is retired military and I was able to travel a lot growing up and meeting all types of people, which I loved to do.

I now live back in my hometown of Rome because my parents are aging and I wanted to be able to help them since my children have their own lives now. However, that has changed due to my circumstances.

Back in 1995 I began having several severe problems. Diagnosed with bipolar-hypomania, panic attacks on a daily basis, anxiety, PTSD, along with fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue.

I was in and out of the hospital and also seeing a psychiatrist and psychologist. I was so embarrassed to apply for SSDI being so young but I had no choice.

I was on many medications and there were days on end I couldn't get out of bed or leave the house.

I was awarded SSDI in 1997 and with the help of my neighbor and ex-husband they helped me with my children and home routine.

By 2000 I was feeling better and began coming off my medications. I got denied my SSDI when it was time to go for a review but I didn't want it. I felt I could work again.

I continued to stay on anxiety medication throughout the years and always fought mild depression. Then about 2 years ago I begin finding myself going on a downward spiral.

I started having manic-depressive episodes, suicidal tendencies, panic attacks again. No sleep for days then some times all I do is sleep but I am so fatigued either way. I cannot think straight or concentrate.

I was hospitalized once again and was diagnosed again as bipolar with mixed severe psychosis, anxiety disorder with PTSD. I am on several medications: Remeron, lithium, klonopin, neurontin.

At this time I began working for a good friend of mine in an office setting thinking this would not be as stressful and that I may start feeling better.

I didn't feel better at all. I continued to get worse. I wake up shaking inside, crying daily, even at work, depressed and afraid to go anywhere.

Actually all I do is work, come home, go to bed and go to the doctor. These are the only times I feel safe.

I have also been diagnosed with Celiac Disease and I do have high blood pressure with medication, which I have taken for years, and I also take hormones.

I have DDD and arthritis in the spine and osteoporosis in the hips, for which I take pain medication.

Since I have begun to deteriorate again my doctor has told me I should apply for disability again due to the fact my mental state is as bad as it was when I first received SSDI.

Every day I suffer with fatigue, crying, anxiety, pain, crazy thoughts, no sleep or sleeping too much. Now my physical problems just seem to add to my mental health.

I was working full time in an office setting but due to my nerves, depression, lack of concentration my hours have been reduced to one day a week.

My boss is trying to help me since he knows I really am not able to work and has not fired me but this of course has added more problems financially.

I think he feels a little break would help and doesn't understand the severity of my illness.

Now I have just had to move back in with my parents since I need their help and that bothers me because they are not in the position to help me financially at all.

They can give me no money for my medication, special food, doctor appointments, gas and my main reason coming back to Rome was to help them.

I really feel even more worthless because of this situation. I am not able to work but with no financial help to survive I need assistance with my living expenses, food cost (which I have to eat differently due to Celiac) and medications.

My medicines cost me $300 or more a month not including my expenses for my doctors' appointments, and gas to get there. I am in a Catch-22.

I don't know why my disease has hit me like this again and I would much rather work than not but at this time I cannot and need help until I can file for my disability again to survive.

I am already skipping some of my medications on a daily basis to save a little money. I am embarrassed for needing help but do not know where else to turn.

When I saw the information about this grant I thought this might help me get through a tough time until I can get my disability again. I am in tears now and don't know where else to turn.

I stated earlier I was working fulltime but was crying, no concentration, making many mistakes and now my only income is one day a week. I cannot live off this but I cannot work more than this.

Personally I don't even need to be doing this but have no choice right now. I have no other means of financial help at this moment. No church donations.

I do not qualify for welfare because my children are older and as I said if I can get some type of grant to help me then I will be starting the proceedings again for SSDI

I am definitely needing SSDI but until I can reapply I need some type of grant to be able to live, pay for all my medications, my doctor appointments and food. I have no other means.

Like I said I am in a Catch-22 situation and it's just causing me more stress and episodes of depression and manic behavior and I don't know what to do.

I do think I need to see a counselor and if that is available that would be nice but right now a grant is my main reason for writing so I can get the short-term help I need until I can get the long-term help.

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