ADHD Woman With CFS And Fibromyalgia Seeks Independence Grant
by Laurel Caplan
(Minnetonka, MN, USA)
I am a 61-year-old woman who was married from 1981 to 1989. I gave birth to my son named Jordan on May 9, 1984. He meant the world to me.
My son was killed instantly on November 2, 2001 in an auto accident, completing a tragic trio. My father committed suicide in 1970, and my mother was murdered in her home on April 1st, 2000.
All those unnatural deaths were difficult for me, but I'm a survivor and Dr. Malecha, a psychopharmacologist, helped me through the grieving process with therapy and medication.
Unfortunately this doctor passed away quickly from a brain tumor. It hurt me deeply, as I had consulted with him for many years.
I have no immediate family except for my sister Ellen. I have many cousins spread around the US. My sister and I have a very strong relationship with each other because of our personal family tragedies.
I am fortunate that my mother's murderer was tried and convicted quickly for second-degree murder, and is incarcerated in Stillwater for 27 years.
I was stalked by Jamel aka Keith, for six months. He got me alone in a friend's house and hit me in the left eye. I still have a scar today. The Victim's Reparation Board refused to allow me to get plastic surgery for this, even though it was directly related to my mom's death, as he threatened to kill my mom and me.
His parole officer was remiss into allowing him to stay with an acquaintance of mine, and then a halfway house with no ankle bracelet. I miss my family terribly.
I was born in 1952 with ADHD, unknown to physicians at that time. The pediatrician prescribed liquid tranquilizers for my mother to add to my milk to help me slow down. It made me worse.
It affected my entire life, being misdiagnosed for all kinds of things, such as bipolar disorder, hypomania and bouts of depression.
I tried my best to cope with life and working. But as the true ADHD was masked by different medications, too many to mention, I was unable to form good solid relationships.
Then in 1996, while working at Diversified Pharmaceutical Services, I fell asleep at my desk (unlike me). I had many tests, which finally showed that I had Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and Fibromyalgia. Both have no cures.
I also have osteoarthritis in my knees, my hands and both feet. I am tired but yet have insomnia, and my entire body is in excruciating pain.
Most meds don't work for me, except for cortisone shots in my knees, and a mild muscle relaxer. I am getting specially made forms to put in my shoes/boots so I can walk better without falling.
My official disability status is bipolar 2, ADHD, hypomania, with bouts of depression. My physical disability status is fibromyalgia, Epstein-Barr autoimmune disorder and osteoarthritis.
The doctors have no explanation of how I acquired the Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue. They don't really know how arthritis is formed except for prior injuries to the area.
But I have always had trouble focusing from the ADHD, a high metabolism and a brain running like 100mph, trouble sleeping, and being out of focus.
From out of the blue, my teeth began to loosen from the bone, and fall out one by one. I have a permanent bridge for my front teeth, but my right lower jaw in the back has no chewing ability, and the upper back left tooth is gone making it difficult to impossible to chew correctly.
I've done everything the dentist told me to do, but he couldn't save all of them. I also have acid reflux, a hiatal hernia and diverticulitis. And flat feet.
In 1996, I applied for SSDI and received it, but it was very little, and as a result I lost my condo and car. I also lost friends along the way because my middle-class status was now poverty level.
Despite having a college education, and working as much as I could, I had to go live with my mother in the basement sans rent. My son went to live with his father for a time.
I finally managed to get subsidized Section eight housing where I have lived for over seven years. I have an old car 2002, that needs repair and body work I can't afford.
I've pawned most all of my jewelry for food and gas. I use MnNet for rides to my doctors, because I don't know if my car will break down.
I take many meds for pain, anxiety, depression, acid reflux, sleep, thyroid. I have a caddy service for house cleaning, as I can't do it myself.
I don't have any credit because when my son was killed in the car accident I didn't have collision, only liability, as I couldn't afford it.
So they want their money and so do all my other creditors, from when I was working.
I have a help bath handle so I can get in and out of the bathtub or I couldn't get up at all.
I can't work except maybe something online. But I can't sit very long periods because my back hurts too much.
I get $865/month from SSDI and it doesn't get me through the month, which is why I go to ICA for help
My food stamps per month are $15, which is pitiful.
The only family member that helps me is my sister when she can, giving me maybe $40 a month (more or less) depending on if she has the money.
I did work part-time at Video Update for a few years while living at home, but I was let go.
Online jobs are mostly scams, and if there was one, I can't sit in a stiff chair for four hours let alone eight. My good chair broke and needs to be replaced.
I have an attorney (pro-bono) and all he will do is stop the collection calls and letters. I don't need advice or sympathy. I've received that all my life; no pity either please.
What I truly need is personal grant money (benefits) to improve my dire situation. I need to fix my car, the outside body and the internal problems.
I need proper furniture (bridging gave me broken springs in my couch). My mattress and bedding and towels need replacing; they look like rags.
And I need money for just basic things. I never go out to a movie or restaurant or have any joy at all.
My clothes have holes in them, and I wouldn't have enough to eat each month, except for the kindness of ICA.
I've accepted my life in poverty, but it would be nice not to fall on inadequate used boots from the Goodwill.
I need dental implants or I can't chew my food properly. Dentures or partials just loosen the one tooth in the back I have left. If that happens I will be eating baby food.
The scar on my left eye can be improved with cosmetic surgery. It reminds me of my mother and her murderer.
I need money for savings in case of an emergency such as my car, tires, food, moving expenses, a comfortable PC chair.
The list goes on and on. I'm not asking for a new house and a sports car. I'm very frugal and budget everything.
There does happen to be a business I'm interested in. I discovered it for my health reasons. There is a company online called Young Living Essential Oils. They carry over 150 different oils for your health. They are used topically, ingested, and even internally. I want to be a distributor of that product, with a brick and mortar store close to an organic food store.
I am aware that I could make money from running it. In order to do this though, I would need the money to file bankruptcy. This is related to when my son was killed in that auto accident. The Ford Company is still after 12 years trying to charge me for the car that killed my only son.
So my credit is poor ... and remains still to this day. I want to have a good credit rating because I'm trustworthy and pay all my bills on time or earlier. I'm looking for someone who will give me a chance.