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Bipolar 41 Year Old Woman Seeks Government Grant Money For New Life

by Carl
(Willow Springs, Illinois, USA)

I have been on SSI/SSDI for 12 years. I thought it was such a blessing to finally have an income after living on practically nothing waiting to get it for two and a half years.

I have found that not working and living on disability has turned out to be hell. It has trapped me in a low-income lifestyle that I can't seem to escape. It is so little per month to do anything.

I feel trapped by my circumstance. I have given up on life. I have gained so much weight that it has been disabling on top of already struggling with mental health issues.

I live in a miserable house that is falling apart. Daily I endure being called names and told I am worthless by my brothers who have tormented me since I was a kid.

I have tried so many things to get out of my situation short of ending my life. I think about suicide all the time and am trying to find a painless way to just do it and get out of my life.

I just think life is too hard for me and I am not strong enough to make it better. I am 41 and burnt out. It has come to the point that everything gives me a brutal migraine. Everything aggravates me.

I now can't seem to handle people. If I have to deal with people for too long I end up with a migraine. I tried neurofeedback recently and I think it made me worse. My compulsiveness got triggered and sent me into an extreme dire situation.

I am looking for a grant to help me get housing on my own. I don't know how to get a section 8 voucher or low-income housing that is safe. I have heard a lot of horror stories of section 8 housing that is in dangerous areas and disabled people being harassed by nondisabled people that are not even supposed to live there.

So I am scared of ending up in a situation that is worse. I have gone to therapy all my life. My latest bout has been for six years straight of talk therapy. My therapist says I just have to get out of the house I live in.

I desperately want to live on my own. If I don't get help I will end up taking my life. I won't live in this for another 5 to 20 years to be old and miserable. I can't live in it anymore.

It rains in our kitchen. It is full of mold. My health keeps deteriorating. I desperately need dental work done that I can't afford. I went to a public aid dentist that screwed me up. I am so depressed after all this.

I am bipolar, extremely compulsive. I now have no friends. I never thought I would end up with no friends. My one good friend moved away and now I am all alone. I don't have family support.

The only friend I do have is a woman who has become a hermit and doesn't leave her home. She doesn't have people come over either. We talk on the phone. I feel like she just uses me as her sounding board to get out all of her frustrations.

If anyone has any ideas that can help I would really appreciate it. Thank you in advance. I am afraid to use my real name on here so I am using a fake name until I get to know someone that can help me.

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Apr 03, 2012
Sadly, I'm with you!
by: Anonymous

I am in exactly the same boat! God bless and help and forgive us all! It sucks to be so different for so long and as you get older, your bipolar disorder seems to become unmanageable. I had a grandma who loved me, but she's at rest now. I'm giving up; I can't kill my self though! I'm absolutely petrified of spending an eternity in one perpetual sad ultimate alone loop!!!

May 07, 2010
I get it...
by: Anonymous

I'm 25 and bipolar with many other problems too. Did you know you can get a psychiatric service dog to go anywhere with you? For your housing, there is HUD. There is also a program that stems your bills after a few months.

Mar 23, 2010
There is hope!
by: Anonymous

Hi, I'm also a bipolar women who's age 43. I can truly relate to how you feel because I've been in similar situations.

One thing I want to share with her is that public housing is not the same today as what it used to be. Currently all of public housing has newly remodeled apartments and a lot of which are recently built from the ground up.

I thought you'd like to know these are funded by Chicago Housing Authority and Housing Urban Development. And best of all, they are reopening their listing after a closing of 10 years this summer in June. You can call them at 312-742-8500 at the end of May. Select the option for occupancy and asked to be on the wait list.

This may take a few months before they find you an available unit but if you need something sooner call Catholic charity for their permanent supportive housing program and they will refer you to a mental health organization that will give you a referral for an apartment of your choice, up to $800 and your maximum rent is only $178.

Please call 866-359-7953 and ask for assistance with housing subsidy for clients with mental health disability and they will give you a provider number according to your zip code for your referral and you can get assistance sooner.

P.S. Don't forget the power of prayer; it helps me tremendously.


Mar 12, 2010
Searching ...
by: Katina

Thank you for posting your story. Check back often to see when comments are posted concerning your story. Grant possibilities could exist, although sometimes it takes a while to find something available in your specific location.

There are hundreds of people who have contributed their stories here. While you?re waiting on finding leads, it would be helpful to read some of the other stories listed - to share your support.

Together, everyone can move forward.

Keep your head up and know you?re not alone. You have friends here!

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