Disability Grant To Help Bipolar Disorder And ADHD Disabled Angela Build Better Family Lifestyle
by Angela Mosley
(Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, USA)
Bipolar Disorder And ADHD Disabled Angela Seeks Disability Grant To Build Better Family Lifestyle
My name is Angela Mosley. I'm 51 and a single mom of two grown children: Chris 28 and Christina 25.
I'm also grandma to five wonderful grandchildren. Chris has two: CJ three and Layla two. Christina has three: Ladarious six, LaDaysha five and LaNiayah two.
I've lived in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma for 24 years, although I'm originally from a small nearby town called Ada.
My whole family still lives in Ada. I get to visit maybe twice a year. I wish I could go more, but I don't have the transportation. I'm all about family; that's what I live for.Disability Issues
I suffer from symptoms of bipolar type 1 and 2, Rapid Cycling, with mixed features of bipolar disorder, ADHD, a little OCD, a learning disability and migraines.
I was born with these disabilities so I've suffered all my life most of the time without medication.
We learned about the learning disability when I was in the 9th grade. Then I wasn't diagnosed with the bipolar until I was in my late twenties.
I've been to so many doctors and they haven't been able to tell me what all was going on with me. Now after 47 years I know my exact disability.
I finally found a doctor that listens to me, talks to me without looking down at me and doesn't shut me up because I express opinions I've developed through research.
And just this last year we've learned the bipolar is 1 and 2, Rapid Cycling, with mixed features, and ADHD.
When I look back now after doing the research on the bipolar and ADHD, I understand why I was the way I was and why I was having such a hard time in school and at jobs.
I couldn't focus and concentrate long enough.
My anxiety and depression was going back and forth all the time.
My doctor and I have discussed that I probably inherited these disabilities from my dad.
I've passed his disabilities onto my son also. He has to live with these disabilities without medication just like I did because we can't get him the help that he needs.
I really know what he's going through and it kills me.
I've had a pretty hard life living with these disabilities, not knowing anything about bipolar and ADHD until about two or three years ago when I started reading and researching about bipolar and ADHD.
When I was 19, I got with this man that I had my two kids with. He physically and mentally abused me for eight years.
I finally got up the nerve up to leave him, which is the smartest thing I've ever done. I should have done it sooner, but did not with my disability, having two kids and receiving the mental abuse.
So I raised my kids by myself, all the while dealing with my disabilities. It was really hard to take care of myself trying to keep a job because I didn't have TANF or SSI, and take care of my kids, one of them with the same disabilities I have.
I went through a lot and I do mean a lot, but I did it.
Every day my bipolar and ADHD symptoms affect my ability to control my moods.
My bipolar got to where my moods were uncontrollable. I would be playing with my grandkids one minute then the next I was snapping. I would cry for no reason, be happy one minute, then down the next.
When I was younger I was sick a lot and missed school because of really bad headaches.
I didn't get along with my family. We had a lot of problems.
I mostly stayed in my room or watched TV.
My mom knew something was wrong with me. She would say, "you need to get help so they can find out what's wrong."
I felt so alone. I had such a really hard time in school with my learning disability. Not being able to focus and concentrate I couldn't do my work.
Mom and I would get into it a lot about my schoolwork. I tried to tell her I didn't understand what I was doing. She would say I was just lazy.
I'm very surprised I got my high school diploma. I graduated with Fs and Ds.
Then after I graduated I had a hard time finding a job and then keeping one. I would either get fired because of missing work because of being sick or I would quit.
I know everybody has stress and worries, but mine gets out of control.
It seems like I stress about everything almost all the time and the rest I worry. I don't think my mind ever stops.
There's times I'll get so agitated I can't stand it. I don't want to be this way or take it out on anybody.
I'll go to my room and lie down and make myself go to sleep so I can stop everything from going around in my head. My head really likes to play games with me.
That's just a few things I deal with every day. I could write pages of how I am and what I go through.Financial Hardship
My disability has kept me from maintaining and keeping a job. My mood swings, anxiety and inability to focus has rendered me totally and permanently disabled.
So now I have to live on a set income, which is my SSI, and $800 is not a lot of money.
After I pay just my rent and utilities there is nothing left, not even a little extra to buy my household supplies. Not even being able to afford toilet paper is not a laughing matter. Transportation is a problem because I have none. I get rides from my friends or kids.
I can't ride the bus because I would have a panic attack. I can't figure out the bus system and I would end up somewhere and not know how to get back.
I have housing, but it's not what everybody thinks. You don't get real nice housing because either the real nice places to live don't take housing or the rent isn't in my housing price range.
The place you do find to live is usually in an that is kind of bad. Where I live now my daughter's vehicle got broken into three times.
The living standards for places that you can get are not real good. I have to worry about bed bugs and all other kinds of bugs and I don't do bugs.
In the summer I really stress because just to stay comfortable my electric bill gets $200 or more. Then I stress and worry how I'm going to pay the bill so it doesn't get shut off.
Then I've had to cancel doctor's appointments because I didn't have the co-payment. It's the same with my medicine. I've had to figure out which one do I get filled and which one I don't get filled because I either didn't have the punches or I wouldn't have the copayment. I only get six punches a month on SoonerCare (Oklahoma Medicaid), the health coverage program jointly funded by the federal and state government. This program helps pay some or all medical bills for many people who can't afford them.
I've had to pawn some of my sentimental jewelry just to get household items or food.Income Efforts
I have to work hard each and every month to stretch and Rob Peter to pay Paul and Peter's always broke, so it's really hard. I rely on food pantries, utility assistance program and churches to help with basic needs.
My mom pays my phone or I wouldn't have one so I can get a hold of my doctors and so I can talk to her.
Doing all that is very stressful and it doesn't help my disability.
I've tried donating plasma for extra money, but it started making me really ill. I've tried babysitting for my son, but that started stressing me out having little ones around all the time.
Back in the day I've tried selling Tupperware, and Avon, didn't last but maybe a few months. At the end of every month I'll sit down figure my bills for the next month, get my churches and help assistance list out make my phone calls to try and find some help to pay on some of my bills.
Where I'm located there isn't a lot of help for the area I'm at. I sometimes have to not pay one bill to pay another bill then the next month I'll double up on the one bill I didn't pay and then not pay another bill and that goes on and on.Specific Needs
I'm looking to get a grant. I would love to get some of these back bills caught up.
I have had to pawn some sentimental jewelry and would love to get them out so I don't worry about losing them.
I would like to purchase some furniture. I don't have a bed frame, just a top mattress on the floor, no dresser, my sofa is worn down to where you're hitting boards when you sit down in some spots. I have no dining room table and chairs.
I would really like to be able to get some needed things for my apartment.
I would love to get my license unsuspended. I had Transportation years ago and my taillight was broken so I got stopped. I didn't have insurance at the time so I got a ticket and my license was suspended.
After I get my license back I would love to get me some good Transportation so I don't have to depend on anyone.
I can drive myself to doctors, get groceries, run my errands and also best of all go visit my family in Ada more often.
I would love to get either dentures or implants. I only have five bottom teeth left and they need to come out but I won't let them because I won't be able to really eat and I love my food.
I know it's probably a big dream but I would love to get into a two-bedroom house with garage and yard of my own.Business Idea
At this time I don't have a business idea. However if I get a grant it will help me to focus on my future goals.
I would love to thank my counselor Shawna for staying on me about doing this story and helping me.